Masquerade
by avenged
Summary: Oneshot, NejiTen. It is my duty to Konoha to occasionally carry out unfavorable missions. I go on such missions as a jounin. As a man. Not, not as a chicken.


**A/N:** I've always liked this as a side pairing, so I thought: why not try it as the main one?

**Disclaimer:** FUGAZAKI IS MINE!

Nevermind the other 90 percent of the story, which I don't own…

* * *

"No. Absolutely not."

"Ah, Neji. You are on the cusp of an explosion of youth. If only you would take it by the hand and embrace your inner…"

"Neji, put the fork down."

Neji snarled at Tenten and flung his fork down on the table. "Tenten, I would take a shower with Naruto before I would wear that thing."

"But Neji-san!" wailed Lee. "Without your assistance, we shall never be able to locate the enemy! You must help us!"

"I never said I wouldn't help," Neji growled. " I am a jounin. It is my duty to Konoha to occasionally carry out…unfavorable missions."

"That's the spirit, Neji!" Gai said joyfully, slapping him on the back so hard that some of his chicken made the journey from his stomach back to his mouth.

"Gai, you almost killed him!" Tenten exclaimed, indicating her teammate, who was gagging on his own upchuck.

"Do you need my youthful…"

Neji sent his sensei a glare so venomous that even Manda would've been poisoned.

"I go on such missions," he hissed through clenched teeth, "as a jounin. As a man. Not—_not_—as a chicken."

Gai shook the hen costume with fervor, the plastic tailfeathers jiggling. "The chicken is the perfect embodiment of youth…"

"And especially not as a _female_ chicken."

"Honestly, Gai, don't you have any other costumes he could wear?" Tenten asked, exasperated.

Gai stroked his chin. "Well, Lee took the unicorn outfit, and I must admit that I'm quite partial to the tree. And, well, you can't exactly wear the devil costume…"

"…because I already claimed it," Tenten interjected. "If I have to go to this dumb party, I might as well look hot."

"Which leaves the Sasuke costume."

Neji narrowed his eyes at the clothing in Gai's arms. Moronic farm animal, or psychotic emo kid who communicated in grunts, trained under a pedophile, and obsessed for ten years over killing his own brother…

"Give me the damn chicken."

* * *

"Neji-san…"

"Lee, you press that button and I will rip your blossom of youth apart and stomp on it just…like…this…"

"Neji, stop jumping. People are staring."

"They were already staring, damnit, Tenten! Because, in case you have forgotten, I am a _chicken_ being followed around by a _tree_ and a _unicorn_!"

Lee frolicked youthfully, whinnying and clapping his plastic hooves together. Gai proceeded to imitate a tree.

Neji had to admit that he liked Gai when he was imitating a tree.

"Lee, give me the camera," Tenten ordered, extending her hand.

"Have you decided to take on the arduous task of documenting this moment of our youthful lives forever? Oh, Tenten-chan, how brave!"

"Uh…sure. Whatever. Youth youth youth. Just give me the camera."

Lee complied, placing the camera in Tenten's outstretched palm with a flourish. Tenten sighed, shook her head, and deposited it in the weapon pouch hanging underneath her skirt—her very, very _short_ skirt, Neji had noticed.

"I think we should split up," she said. "That way, we can find this Fugazaki guy, kill him, and hightail it out of here. This corset is starting to chafe."

Neji's eyes were immediately drawn to a couple of things he had never really paid attention to before.

"Hyuuga Neji, are you staring at my chest?"

"No," sniffed Neji haughtily, trying to look as dignified as a man dressed as a female chicken can. "I'm not a pervert." And, softer, "There's not much to look at anyway."

But not soft enough.

"Tenten-chan, it would not be wise to draw attention to ourselves by castrating Neji…"

"Gai-sensei, what is castration?"

"Well, my youthful student…"

"Ugh," Tenten groaned. "And you think Team 7 has got problems. We're splitting up because I can't stand to be in your company any longer. Neji, keep watch by the food table. I'll take the hallway outside the bathrooms, and Gai and Lee…just stay here and try not to do anything…stupid."

"And then the medic takes a scalpel…"

Neji gripped Tenten's wrist and dragged her out of the room.

* * *

By the end of the hour, Neji had come to three conclusions. One, costume parties were exceedingly boring ordeals through which no sane human being should be put. Two, Fugazaki was a lot smarter than they'd given him credit for, as even with his Byakuugan, Neji had yet to locate the notorious murderer. And three, anyone who lined the inside of a costume with wool should be dipped in hot oil, set on fire, and be forced to spend a day with Gai and Lee. In no particular order.

"Excuse me, sir, but do I know you?"

_Crap. Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap…_

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't believe we've met," Neji managed to choke out, inching away from the woman's bulging cleavage.

"Hmm," she replied, taking a long drag on her cigarette. "What a shame." She leaned in closer, so close that the reek of her perfume made Neji want to keel over, and smirked. "Would you like to get better acquainted?"

"Um…"

"Neji!"

Saved by the bell…er, rabid weapons mistress.

"Neji, I've been looking all over for you! I thought I told you to stay by the refreshments table…excuse me, ma'am, but what do you think you are doing to my boyfriend?"

_Boyfriend?_

The prostitute grunted and made a face. "Passing by."

Tenten snorted. "Then continue passing, please."

The older woman stuck out her tongue, smudging her neon red lipstick, and stalked off.

_Boyfriend?_

Neji simultaneously died, went to heaven, and was brought back to Earth with a sharp slap from Tenten's palm.

"Hyuuga Neji, what do you think you were just doing?" she hissed, gripping the neck of the chicken costume so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"Nothing!" Neji snapped. "What do you think _you_ were doing? Since when am I your boyfriend?"

"Since never," Tenten sniffed. "Obviously. But it was a successful ploy to save your virginity."

Neji folded his arms and harrumphed. "I can take care of myself, thank you. Why do you suddenly care?"

Tenten shook her head. "You know, for having those eyes, you sure are blind."

"What the hell are you talking about…"

"Ah, a quarrel between young lovers. How sweet."

Neji and Tenten spun around to see a man in a vampire costume approaching. He chuckled, baring fangs that looked all too real.

Something tingled in the back of Neji's brain.

"But allow me to introduce myself. I am Sarashi Kankomaru, your gracious host. And you are?"

"T—"

"Nobody of any importance," Neji cut in, elbowing Tenten sharply in the side. "My apologies for being rude, Sarashi-san, but my fiancé and I really need to solve this matter. If it's not figured out by tomorrow, well, it would do horrors for our upcoming wedding."

Tenten's eyebrows shot up, but luckily, Sarashi didn't seem to notice.

"Of course," he said smoothly, reaching over Neji's shoulder to grab a sandwich off of a waiter's tray. "Please forgive my interruption. I'll be going now. Enjoy the party."

"We will!" Tenten called cheerfully, and Sarashi glided away. No sooner was he gone than Neji had pulled Tenten down and underneath a nearby table.

"Neji, what is wrong with you tonight?" Tenten exclaimed. "First you hit it off with a prostitute, then you basically accuse me of being an insensitive asshole, and then you pretend I'm your _fiancé_? Of all the crazy stunts…"

"Shut up," Neji said gruffly. "I think I've found our man. Byakuugan!"

Neji's kekkei genkai sprang to life, and his pale eyes bored through the tablecloth, through the crowd of people, and to the quickly retreating man in the vampire costume. Through his costume, underneath his shirt, to the small tattoo on his upper left shoulder…

_ANBU captain, squadron three, about five years ago, with a small indent at the bottom. _

The only defining feature Fugazaki possessed.

"Sarashi Kankomaru is Fugazaki," Neji said out loud.

"I knew there was something I didn't like about him," Tenten agreed, nodding her head. "What's the plan?"

"He's heading for the bathrooms…and fast," Neji observed, reaching inside his concealed weapons pouch and producing a small vial. "Tenten, do you have a senbon?"

"Always," she replied, fetching one from her own pouch.

She would never forgive him for this. But maybe, just maybe…

"Dip the end in this," Neji instructed, removing the cork from the vial, "and hide it in your hair. And whatever you do, don't let it prick you."

Tenten complied, fixing the weapon in one of her buns. "We're going to kill him with a _senbon_?"

"We can't cause a huge commotion," Neji explained quickly, pulling Tenten out from under the table and heading off after Fugazaki. "This has to look like an accident. After it kills him, this poison will break down into normal proteins. Anyone examining him won't be able to tell what—or who—did the assassination."

And without another word, he pushed through the crowd and sprinted for the bathrooms, Tenten hot on his jiggling plastic tailfeathers.

* * *

"Kami, how badly did he have to go?"

"Tenten…"

"The guy must have a bladder the size of the moon…"

"Tenten…"

"…or at least the size of your ego."

"Tenten!"

Both shinobi froze as they heard the door handle jiggle.

"He's coming," Neji said in a voice that was barely a whisper. "Tenten…please tell me you won't hate me for this."

"Neji, I could never…" She was silenced as his warm arm slipped around her waist, pulling her close to him, alarm filling her chocolate brown eyes.

"Neji…" she breathed.

The door opened and Neji slammed his lips against hers, pushing her up against the wall as he explored her mouth hungrily. Tenten held back a small gasp—she had never seen Neji willingly show affection before—and fought the urge to melt against him. His lips were warm and his kiss was demanding, dominating, _hot_.

Neji traced his fingers up Tenten's jaw and into her hair, where he felt for the pins keeping her right bun in place. Slowly, sensually, he untied it and let her hair spill down her back as he carefully extracted the senbon from its hiding place. He deepened the kiss, his tongue now in her mouth, and Tenten let out a small moan.

Fugazaki smirked. "I take it that everything's back to happily ever after now, eh?"

Neji broke the kiss and placed a hand on Tenten's shoulder, hoping that the dazed look in her eyes wasn't too noticeable. "For us, yes. But for you…"

And with startling speed, he whipped out the senbon and sent it flying straight at Fugazaki's neck!

Caught completely off guard, the man reeled backwards as the weapon struck him, the poison quickly penetrating his skin and beginning its nasty work. Within seconds, he was on the floor; within a minute, he was absolutely still.

Neji removed the senbon and placed it in his weapons pouch. "Mission accomplished. Let's go find Gai and Lee, Tenten…Tenten?"

"Neji…" she said quietly, inspecting the tops of her boots. "It's one thing to _say_ I'm your fiancé. It's another to…to…"

"I'm sorry," Neji said hurriedly. "I was out of line. I had time, I could've thought of another way, I could've avoided all of that…oomph!"

Tenten flung her arms around Neji's neck, abruptly cutting him off. "Shut up, chicken boy, and kiss me."

So he did.

It was at that particular moment that Gai and Lee decided to show up.

"Oh, what a glorious day!" Lee exclaimed, frolicking madly. "Neji-san and Tenten-chan have finally embraced their youthfulness! Oh, Gai-sensei, we must tell everyone! Where is the camera? This beautiful memory shall never be forgotten…HELP!"

"Get him, Neji!"

"Frolic faster, Lee! Frolic faster!"

"Use the senbon!"

"THE POWER OF YOUTH SHALL NEVER BE CONQUERED BY A HALF-WITTED FARM ANIMAL!"

* * *

Neji formally asked Tenten out the next day, and she enthusiastically agreed.

Gai and Lee spent a week in the infirmary, but neither suffered any more brain damage than they already possessed.

The camera was later found clogging the pipes of Neji's toilet, but as hard as Lee tried, it was beyond repair.

And everyone lived happily ever after. Except Fugazaki, because he was dead.


End file.
